When we raise a puppy, if we put the time in and raise them with unconditional connection and understanding from a baby then we produce a resilient dog, we nurture them through those development circles, holding their hand and making them feel safe in the world and proving we can be trusted to have their back.
If we have our own disruptions or maladaptations from our childhood that kept us safe but now make it hard to connect, then we need to seek to repair those in ourselves before we can raise our young fully. A puppy will come through the stages fairly rapidly if the conditions are right.
When we take a rescue dog back through their early years, its easy to go back to repair their issues and think that was hard but job done. But with a rescue dog we have only really started our relationship so are never going to fully help them with one attempt.
Bear has come on leaps and bounds, through our interactions of wrestling and proving he can trust us and showing up for him even when it’s hard. We have a dog who knows where the tug stops and our hands start, we can wrestle with him without bleeding. We have a relationship built on knowing each other’s limits. So now we repeat the circles again, this time though I don’t have to crate him for my safety when he spills too far, we can wrestle and have what is seen as “play” interactions safely. We can rupture and repair, the most important aspect of any social connection. He can climb on and off us without feeling scared by the vulnerability and having to bite us. None of this we could do when he first came because he was scared of humans. I couldn’t put a lead on him without him biting me. Now he trusts that I won’t correct him harshly with his collar when I do so he is accepting of my touch around his collar.
All this foundation we have put in, we take back with us to his baby stage and repeat it. It was very beautifully worded to me recently that repair for a rescue dog is like a painting, first time we do the repair we are painting the background, the next time we are adding the buildings and people and finally we paint in the finer details. This layering of the repair can’t happen unless we take the time to build a safe background for us to paint the subject on to. Bear’s repair is on going and things will happen in his life where we will revisit these early years in a undeliberate way. But in the meantime we keep painting our picture helping him to be happy and resilient by choosing to go back with him. Through this he will feel safe and content rather than falling back into survival mode when his trauma is triggered.
When you take your next rescue dog or are in the throws of helping your current one, remember that time, patience and empathy will help you through, the hard days become less and the bond you will have is something to cherish. It doesn’t happen overnight and it isn’t the same as raising from young. They need you there to hold space for them and their trauma.