Below is a video of Bear after being with us for 5 weeks. He heard dogs barking in a nearby field, he came straight to me and sat under me. After some reassurance, he followed Bella and Shamus down to the fence line in the direction of the barking. I walked down, agreed with them that it was a dog closer than the normal. I checked visually and it was not close enough to concern me which i indicted verbally. They all then followed me back up the field, the dog was still barking but everyone was content we were safe and I took this video. It is in moments like this that our connection is reinforced and their trust in me to make the right judgement is strengthened. It is this connection that keeps him out of trouble and looking for my guidance and protection as he ventures out into the world.
If I had not validated, if I had ignored their concerns, they would have continued to escalate at the fence and would learn that I can’t be relied upon in times of worry and they need to handle the threats themselves.
Join them in the moment, acknowledge that you have heard the same and that you have assessed the danger and that you are making a good decision for the family. If it was a dog at the fence or in field adjacent to ours, I would have suggested we use flight to keep us safe and move away to inside the house. Alternatively, I could have asked them to back away and stop to observe if I needed more information to make a good choice, using my freeze. If I wasn’t sure we were safe I would not have indicated this to them – mistakes over safety, especially with the decision maker character of Bella, would not be well received but very well remembered to the detriment of our relationship.
How many times are we pulled into shouting be quiet because we are busy , saying its just a delivery or a bad dog lacking the empathy for what the dog feels , effectively joining them in the dysregulated shouting and chastising them for their fear reaction to someone unknown approaching the house. Be the calm in their storm, join them at the window with a calm energy , let them know you have seen it and model to them how you want them to feel about it in that moment. Validation has the power to build bonds and help strength the trust our animals have in us, it helps them trust the decisions we make for the family and our ability to keep them safe.