Meet Bear

Just over two weeks ago we had a message from a fellow instructor. They had a client struggling with a puppy who was biting. This was the second home who couldn’t cope with Bear, and he was only 6 months old. We had a chat with the owner who was happy for him to come live with us.
It would have been better in two weeks time, when school holidays ended, when the playroom dedicated to our child was complete, but Bear needed a home now so we drove to the Cotswolds and home came Bear. Sometimes the universe throws you what you need, even if you think your not ready!

When we got Bear home we settled him in to the living room and kept his world small to start.
His mouthing was intense and after a couple of days, I switched to gloves when he spilled over to protect my hands . He was scared, and like any toddler, struggling to cope with his emotions. When the biting/mouthing became too much; we put him in his crate and sat by the door, so he wasn’t alone with those big feelings. We kept him in the living room den site. He visited the paddock a couple of times a day with my other dogs, the garden for toilets. I slept in the living room with him at night. We wanted to make his world as small and safe as possible.

We made sure that even if we couldn’t cope with the level of biting, we wouldn’t just leave him alone in his crate to deal with his overwhelmed system. As with our children, puppies are not born with the ability to self regulate, this is a learned skill . We teach this through co regulation. We laid round his crate in a c-shape indicating calm to him and made sure we were able to stay regulated ourselves. This nervous system to nervous system communication helped him start to calm, allowing his nervous system  to slowly come down from his survival brain. He would show the calming signals of yawning, his eyes going soft and his body releasing the tension. I also hand fed him twice a day to help build our connection.

It wasn’t all plain sailing , sometimes Bear could drain your cup in minutes. It’s important to make sure you take time to fill back up, but finding the time isn’t always easy. Couple that with guilt about not spending the normal time with my other two dogs, and not being able to do as much as we planned for the last week or so of the school holidays, I had low points. I cried some days because I thought it was too much or I was failing everyone, it felt like. But those brief moments of connection gave me hope and kept me going . When you look in to a scared babies eyes and know they need you to hold them through those intense emotions, and then see them relax in relief at finally being able to come out of survival mode, it keeps you going. Lying the other side of a crate deep breathing doesn’t feel enough, but it was.

I noticed that Bear was struggling with safety. Dogs who cant relax, who don’t manage to sleep, wake at the slightest noise and only feel comfortable if they have had a lot of  chewing , digging or playing tug (at us or toys) don’t feel safe. So we worked on this. I noticed he didn’t sleep much for a puppy. If he wasn’t in his crate, he would be chewing on wood, a stag bar or us. He slept at night, but would only go to sleep when I did and only in his crate. He would move endlessly and never settle if out. So we started a sleep routine, we would go outside or play indoors, and then crate him for a period during the day once we calmed, so he could rest more.

After about a week of absorbing his emotions , I spoke to my mentors. We talked about not taking the bites from Bear and how actually it seems to keep him in a heightened state. Using hands to build chemical, we decided to stop taking the bites. We started to move a couple of steps away or crating him in response, but still staying with him and connected in the moment. I would give him lots of rope tug to build fight chemical and then move him away from the toys and set the intention to calm, but with no hand mouthing. I gently would either lead him into his crate or move away slightly if he bit, while using heavy sighing, lip licking and soft eyes to show him what I wanted as these universal markers had been used when he was calm in his crate. The switch in him was quite incredible. He melted in to calm. He now snuggles up without having to bite, he sleeps really well in and out his crate during the day.

He mostly stays chilled and then we regularly play tug and mess about playing adding in calming sessions frequently throughout the play time, so he can exercise his nervous system up and down. If he does go to hand biting again, we patiently stay connected but move away from his mouth or crate him remaining by his side. Over time his brain pathways will rewire and his ‘go to’ won’t use biting, in a desperate attempt for someone to connect in the moments of fear and anxiety, using any method he can to make that happen.
We will keep being available for him, so we can comfort him and be his safety and calm in a stormy sea of emotions. Just as we do for our human son.

The next steps in our journey is building our connection, so if he is worried he looks to us to help, both inside and outside. We need to get that obsession bond, it’s so important that he looks for our guidance or he will get himself in trouble and never come back when we ask. We can start co exploring the world as a bonded pair. A deer screeched the other night outside and he jumped on my lap for help, so we are getting there.

It very important we take our time in these first circles of development, as they are known in the Hemene method. If we have holes in this stage; because we rushed him too fast and didn’t take time to ensure our relationship is rock solid , anything we do later is built on  a rocky foundation. To have a happy balanced dog we need to make sure he can exercise his nervous system, can go up to high excitement, but can also come down back to calm.
Once he has been in this unconditional circle, we will start introducing our dogs properly and he can be with them more. He is going in the paddock with Shamus (our Irish wolfhound cross) who is very tolerant of Bear’s puppy behaviour at the moment… baby steps, as they say. He is a fabulous addition to our family and already taught me so much.

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